Of Tribes And Loss
by Ansostuff
Summary: This is a tag to the SGA season five episodes "First Contact" and "The Lost Tribe". It is from Daniel's POV, so you could say this is a crossover, but not really.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Of tribes and loss

Author: Anso

Rating: Gen, PG

Characters: Daniel's POV, but most of the prominent SGA characters, SG-1 and Landry make an appearance.

Timeline: This is a tag to the SGA season five episodes "First Contact" and "The Lost Tribe." SG-1-verse it is set after Continuum. There are references to some SG-1 episodes, especially "Meridian". Knowledge of the SG-1 universe is essential to this story and it is of course beneficial to have seen "First Contact" and "The Last Tribe" before reading, although the story should be enjoyable without having intimate knowledge about the Atlantis universe.

Category: Gap-filler, H/C, angst

Summary: This is my take on happened from the moment Daniel and Rodney were beamed aboard the Daedalus after they shut down the Attero device.

A/N: Thanks to SurgicalSteel for a heads up on some of the medical details and Rose for the beta and help with the Atlantis stuff. All mistakes are mine. If my English is all screwed up that's my fault too; it's not my native language. This is my first proper attempt at fanfiction in the Stargate universe, either SG-1 verse or SGA verse. I hope my attempt at finding the voices of the characters and expressing them hasn't been too disastrous.

Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm just borrowing.

Enjoy!

*****

_Oh, God, it hurts! _

He'd been talking to Rodney, telling him he didn't think he'd survive, the pain was so great. Daniel was sure he was going to die. He'd never experienced anything like this. Now breathing took all his concentration. _Breathe_, Daniel demanded of himself. _Breathe!_ He opened his mouth to suck some much-needed oxygen into his starving lungs, but his body wouldn't obey him. _There's something tearing me apart. I can't breathe! _Daniel struggled to catch his breath, the pain burning like fire up and down the nerves in his torso. His whole body hurt; head, neck, back, limbs and especially his chest. Even the hairs on his head hurt. It felt like they were standing on end and someone was pulling at them. He'd known all kinds of pain and had more than once suffered through the unpleasant experience of not being able to breathe, but he couldn't remember any of it ever feeling this bad. He'd even known radiation poisoning. With the radiation that probably still was bouncing off the walls in this room even after the machine was turned off, Daniel was sure he was going to experience that dying of radiation thing all over again. In his years of travel through the Stargate he'd never been struck by lightning or electricity the way he had just now. If it hadn't been for the suits he and Rodney was wearing, Daniel was sure he'd be literally toast by now. He was positive he'd be toast soon anyway. It was only a matter of time.

Mentally trying to prepare for the inevitable, Daniel sent out thoughts of farewell to his team, his family; to Mitchell and Vala, but Sam and Teal'c especially. _Bye, Jack_, Daniel thought, feeling awful for having to say good bye to his friends and horrible for not being able to do so in person.

The pain was easing up a bit… Daniel tentatively sucked in some air, and when his lungs accepted the offering he breathed a small sigh of relief. There _you go. See? That's not so bad._ He gave himself a mental pat on the back while trying for a deep breath—just to be enveloped in agony again. _Focus_ he told himself. _Breathe in and out, slow and easy. It helps if you breathe slowly. Try not to think too much. Just breathe. Come on, you can do it. In… and… out, in and out. See, it works. There… The pain is going away again. Or not_, Daniel thought as a new wave hit him. _Oh, God. It's too much. I can't take any more of this. This is it.. Now I die._

A white light descended and enveloped him with its brightness.

*****

"I sure am glad to see the two of you!" an unfamiliar female voice said, but Daniel didn't recognise the owner of it and he was too caught up in pain to look.

Okay, not dead then, Daniel decided as the familiar grey interior of the Daedalus surrounded him. The voice trying to get his attention sounded as if it was coming from far away. He was too focused on the breathing to pay much attention. The pain came in bursts and it was all he could do to breathe through it. He felt himself being lifted and the surface beneath him changed to a soft and yielding one opposed to the cold and hard concrete he'd been lying on previously.

The Asgard suit had shaped itself to the size and frame of his body, but the tremors from being zapped by the accumulated voltage of the energy strike from the antennae made him shiver spasmodically and the suit had become more of a confinement than a protection. He sighed in appreciation as two medics helped him out of the cumbersome armoured garment. Relieved of the confinement, Daniel closed his eyes, turned on his side and curled up on his side, thinking it would ease the tremors and pain. He wrapped his arms around his belly. He was sweaty from the exertion of breathing through his discomfort, and that the nausea was starting to become more and more of a nuisance didn't help.

Someone was taking his pulse and he felt a pulsoxymeter being attached to his finger. The female voice was still talking to him and Daniel could feel a hand on his shoulder, rubbing in a steadily in a soothing fashion. He recognised her medical speak by the words she used, but he didn't have the strength to pay much attention. Through the haze of pain he heard Rodney talking to Woolsey, explaining what'd happened. He must have heard wrong because he thought he heard Woolsey making a joke about opening the suit Rodney wore with a can opener. Yup, he had to be delusional. Woolsey didn't make jokes. The pain increased again and he felt darkness creep into the edges of his vision as his world narrow down to breathing in and out, in and out….

*****

What felt like an eternity later, but must have only been seconds, Daniel woke. Someone was taking off his jacket and pulling up the sleeve of his shirt and he was turned to lie on his back. There was a familiar pinch in his arm and he shifted his gaze to see someone drawing blood.

"Dr. Jackson? Can you hear me?" That was… Daniel tried to remember the doctor's name. It was the same person who had said she was glad to see them. He'd not met her before. Had they been introduced? "I'm Dr. Keller," she said. She was in his face a hand on his cheek was turning his face towards her. "You blacked out there for a minute. Where does it hurt?"

"Everywhere," Daniel groaned, struggling to get the word out. He scrunched his eyes shut as a new wave of tremors and pain rushed over him, breathing hard while trying to keep the nausea that followed the bouts of pain at bay. Tears brought forth by the agony were streaming down his temples. "Oh, God..."

"Easy, easy, we'll get you something for the pain soon, but I need to know what exactly happened."

"He got zapped by some subspace antenna," Daniel heard Rodney explain. "There was a power surge and some pretty bad radiation in the room where the device we were shutting down was located, but Mr. Let's-talk-reason-with-our-captors here decided to get in the way of the power surge. I told him I could disarm the device on my own, but he wanted to be there and look what happened. The suits should have protected us sufficiently, but it looks like it wasn't enough."

A nurse came at Daniel with a handheld scanner and started moving it over his body. It beeped, but Daniel didn't know if that was good or bad.

"Okay, we need to get your clothes analysed and the both of you into scrubs. If you've been exposed to radiation we need to monitor you both very closely." Dr. Keller said. "We should be arriving at Atlantis shortly and I'll be able to do a proper exam there."

Daniel tuned out Rodney's voice as he continued explaining what had happened to the doctor and focused on relieving the cramps that now were playing havoc with his abdominal muscles. Daniel was sure he was going to throw up any minute, and as he feared, he did. Daniel turned so he was lying more on his stomach than his side, managing to empty his stomach into the conveniently placed basin before him and not all over himself. He turned back on his side and breathed hard. Daniel heard the snapping of gloves, and this time instead of being turned onto it, he was asked to turn on his back. The nurse who'd wielded the scanner came back and swept a wet cloth over his face and neck before an oxygen mask was placed over his nose and mouth and telemetry leads placed on his chest. Somewhere in the process of being cleaned up his shirt had been removed and replaced by a scrub top that was fastened on his side. Daniel tried to find a way to get under the covers he was lying on as he started shivering from the cooling sweat on the parts of his body that hadn't been cleaned yet. He thought he should be able to get himself cleaned up, but at the moment he could barely muster up the energy to roll from his side to his back. Another nurse swabbed the back his hand and a needle was inserted before he was beneath the covers instead of on top of them. Peripherally he was aware of someone shooing Rodney off to the showers to get scrubbed down.

"Dr. Jackson? Try to relax. We're giving you some fluids and something for the nausea." Daniel turned his gaze back to Dr. Keller. He nodded and waited for her to continue. Her hand was back on his wrist and Daniel felt her gaze on him. "How are you feeling? Are you going to be sick again?"

"I'm fine. Not s-so bad any more now."

"Really? Because from the way you're curled up and by the distinctly green look on your face I'd say you're far from fine. Can you tell me how bad? On a scale from 1 to 10, please?"

"I'm fine, really," Daniel insisted, trying to sit up, but a crippling pain assaulting his chest and abdomen stopped him before he'd even managed to lift his head off the pillow. He plopped back down as his muscles contracted. "Eleven", Daniel admitted, trying for a smile now that it didn't seem like his "I'm fine" routine was going to work, but the smile came out more as a grimace as a new wave hit him. Once again he closed his eyes, but this time the breathing was easier as oxygen flowed into his lungs from the mask. "About six or seven between the waves," he corrected. "Nine when they're at their worst." He tried to lift his hand to rub away the pounding in his head but his fingers were tingling and his arm felt like it was made of led as it flopped back down onto the sheets.

"All right, does anything feel worse than the rest?"

"Head hurts. My stomach. I feel… oversensitive," Concentrating, Daniel placed a hand on his belly, rubbing slightly to test how sensitive it was to touch. He winced. It felt like a fiery brand even through the sheet and both his hand and stomach hurt from the contact. Hissing as if actually burnt, he let it fall back onto the sheet. "I think the energy hit me in the chest, but if feels like it's pooled in my stomach, if that makes sense."

"It makes sense," Keller soothed before unfastening his shirt. She put the buds of her stethoscope into her ears and Daniel bit back a groan when she put the bell to his skin to listen to his chest and belly for a moment. "Your heartbeats are somewhat fast, but within the normal range, lungs are wheezy but not too bad off and your bowel movements sound normal. I don't think you've sustained permanent damage."

Dr. Keller took the buds out of her ears and Daniel yelped in pain when she very gently started to probe at his stomach. Keller quickly withdrew and Daniel felt her scrutinizing him. "There's some discoloration which means you are bleeding internally. You're going to need surgery. I'll leave you alone for a bit now. A nurse will be by in a couple of minutes to give you something for the pain and then you can rest until we can get you into surgery when we get back to Atlantis. The meds should reverse some of the extreme sensitivity soon too." She placed the call button by his hand and smiled at him. "You're going to be just fine."

"Good." Daniel said, stifling a yawn. "Sorry, tired."

"I know." Dr. Keller said before leaving Daniel to his own devices.

Before Daniel could find a position that hurt less than the one he was lying in at the moment, the promised nurse was there with a syringe; a couple of minutes later another bag was hooked up to the fluids he already was receiving, and blessed relief flowed into his veins. As the pain disappeared Daniel fell into an exhausted sleep.

*****

When he woke, Daniel sensed he was moving but he couldn't move his limbs. He felt lethargic and detached, but the pain was thankfully at a bearable level and his mind was relatively clear, albeit sluggish. He was still sleepy and nauseous, but felt like he could stay awake.

There was a heavy, but soft weight over him. Daniel opened his eyes a bit, but the movement made him dizzy so he closed them quickly again. Something was off, and he opened his eyes again. There were stars in the sky above him but it didn't feel like he was outside. Daniel tried to lift his arms, but they stayed put. He was confined in some way or other, probably lying inside a medical rescue pod. He then recognised the SGC emblem on the see-through lid. He'd been in a pod like this before. The radiation! Daniel knew the doctors had to protect both him and themselves and so they'd put him in a pod. His heart skipped a beat at the very thought of yet again being exposed to radiation, it was literally sickening. Once had been more than enough.

More than five years had gone by since that fatal mission where he'd tried to stop an entire world from launching into a civil war over a powerful mineral called naquadriah, but in the end they'd destroyed each other, not managing to come to any sort of agreement. Daniel remembered dying and the horrible pain as if it'd happened recently. He'd do everything in his power to not experience this again. Hopefully the suits' protection had been enough to prevent serious damage, but until the tests came back he couldn't be sure. Daniel tried to console himself with thinking that the surgery the doctor had said he needed might be because he was struck by that energy beam and not because of the radiation. Being struck by lightning like that could cause all that pain by itself, couldn't it? Daniel mused. He yawned behind the oxygen mask and closed his eyes, but sleep wouldn't come. Dr. Keller hadn't said anything regarding the radiation at all, and he'd been in too much pain to talk much, let alone think. Daniel squirmed around as much as his cocoon of blankets and the pod would allow for and tried to get comfortable. Shouldn't they be at Atlantis soon? As a wave of pain hit him Daniel felt queasy again. God, but it hurt. The medicine he'd been given should have taken care of his pain by now, shouldn't it? He breathed hard, feeling unconsciousness looming again. As the pain slowly receded back to a bearable level, Daniel blinked the sweat away from his eyes and once again felt like he'd escaped death by the skin of his teeth.

No Oma would come to his rescue if he died now. She'd made that perfectly clear the last time. If it came to it, and he was dying, the possibility of ascension was all up to him now. Briefly he thought of Kasuf and Skaara and if they were able to help him, but he didn't think so. Oma would have told him if they were. Well, I'm not there yet, he told himself and stopped squirming. Instead he opened his eyes again. They'd left the Daedalus on the East pier and were heading towards the city itself.

"He should be awake to see this," a voice said over the rumbling of the gurney the pod evidently was placed on.

"It looks like he is awake," Daniel heard Mr. Woolsey's say before he could see the bureaucrat's face filling his limited field of vision by leaning over the pod and looking down on him. "It doesn't look like he's enjoying the ride though. He's pretty green around the edges."

Keller's face came into his line of vision and studied him for a minute. "Let's get them into the infirmary." She tapped the lid. "Dr. Jackson, are you able to hold on a little longer?"

Daniel fixed his eyes on hers and gave a short and slow nod. He'd manage. He'd just close his eyes and try to sleep again. All this breathing through the pain was taking it's toll and he felt beyond exhausted.

"We're here." Dr. Keller announced a moment later.

Doors opened and as the light shifted from the starlit sky to the muted lighting of the hallways Daniel opened his eyes again. He didn't think he'd been in this particular part of the city before.

Just as she finished speaking they entered a new hallway and a few seconds later Daniel found his gurney being pushed through the doors to the infirmary.

"There's room over there," Dr. Keller said, and the gurney stopped moving. A see-through plastic curtain was pulled all the way around the bed and the lid of the pod lifted. Gloved hands released the blankets that while inside the pod had kept him securely in place. Daniel looked at Rodney and saw that he too had been placed inside one of the pods but was now released into a curtained off area while the people milling around the infirmary was wearing hazmat suits. As he could move around again Daniel shook with the effort to keep the nausea at bay. To his utter humiliation he lost the fight and it was all he could do to turn on his side, rubbing his face into the pillow to push the oxygen mask to the side and throw up over the bed, the floor and to his horror, himself. Now he needed help to change his clothes again. When he'd finished he was so exhausted he could cry. The quick movements had brought the pain back as well, and for a moment he scrunched up his face, shivering with misery and sniffling loudly. Tears had started leaking from his eyes through the violent upheaval, and his nose felt stuffed, throat raw and chest and abdomen aching even worse than he thought possible.

Daniel was miserable and he cared nothing for it. There was nothing he wanted more right now than to curl up and wallow in his own misery for a while, before dying of embarrassment.

Exhausted he suffered through being changed. The bed was stripped and changed around him and Daniel let the nurses manhandle him while he breathed through another bout of tremors and pain. From his experience with zats and other stun weapons, the tremors only lasted till you lost consciousness, or stopped after a little while. Besides, he'd been zatted so many times that his body should be used to the energy surges by now and release it quicker. Daniel knew that didn't make sense, as the body didn't store up on energy over time. If that was true he'd be dead from the accumulated zat blasts by now. The suit must have taken the brunt of the energy. Rodney had thought it would and Sam would probably also know that. He would have to ask her when he saw her.

"Here we go, you'll feel better soon," a nurse said, tucking the blankets up around him.

Daniel let his mind float for a bit. A wet cloth was passed on his face and the IV he'd dislodged put back in. The pain killer kicked in. Both his body and mind were exhausted, and it didn't help that he'd got too little sleep before he and Rodney were snatched away. Daniel was all for working intensively, but there was a limit to how long even he could work without rest. Embarrassed but clean, Daniel drifted, trying not to think about anything, tuning out the sounds of the infirmary and Rodney's complaining in the next bed.

*****

"Hey." A soft voice made its presence known in his haze. A hand was placed on his cheek and Daniel turned his head towards the voice. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." Daniel plastered a smile on his face, hoping for a swift release so he could curl up in a corner and die by himself. He wasn't fine. Far from it and Daniel knew that. He tried to lift himself up on his elbows, but the movement aggravated the pain in his belly and he bit back a moan before lying back down.

Dr. Keller ignored his obvious lie and instead asked, trying for a different approach, "How's the nausea?"

"Better." Daniel winced at his own curt answer. He didn't need to be cruel. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so ungrateful. You're doing what you can. It just…well, hurts," he admitted, defeated.

"I know, and I'm sorry. You're sick and in pain. Grumpiness is allowed," Keller soothed, smiling.

"True." Daniel nodded. "But there's no reason for me to snap at you." He thought for a moment. "You should probably know that this isn't my first round of radiation potioning." Daniel said, figuring he should give her something to work with. His voice coming in short gasps. Breathing still wasn't easy, even with the added oxygen and pain meds.

"It isn't? I need to go through your medical files, but," she gestured to the rest of the infirmary which was semi-full with patients, "as you can see, there was a bit of action going on while we were away, so you have to help me out here till I get your files."

"My fault," Daniel said, his voice sounding breathy and weak to his own ears. The pain meds were making him sleepy again.

"No it isn't. Neither you nor Rodney could know what that machine did and you turned it off. There was nothing you could do."

"How bad?" Daniel asked.

"I don't know for sure before I get a better look at you, but you'll make a complete recovery, I'm sure."

"Not me," Daniel said annoyed. "The planets. The gates. How bad was it?"

"We don't know the extent of the damage yet, but our gate imploded. The Wraith lost at least one ship and who knows how many people, as for the rest of the galaxy we can't be Daedalus is looking into getting one from the damaged gate bridge and the techs are ready to get it up and running so we can contact Earth and start assessing the situation our allies are in. Rodney explained what you did, Dr. Jackson. You're not to blame at all."

Daniel's eyelids had drooped during the doctor's speech and now they closed. He had many more questions, but they would have to wait.

"But that's enough information for you at the moment. You'll be prepped for surgery soon. Don't fall asleep on me yet, though. I need to get a better look at you first. The pain killer should make the examination go easier this time." Dr. Keller took her stethoscope out of her pocket and reached for a blood pressure cuff lying on a table by Daniel's bed.

"'Kay."

"Lie back and try to relax."

*****

_I've committed genocide._ Daniel felt his heart skip a beat before hammering wildly as the vastness of what he'd done sunk in. He was sure Dr. Keller hadn't been completely forthcoming with him earlier. There were thousands of planets with gates in this galaxy. He'd seen the list. It was very long. All those people dead: all those children, women and men now dead because of his insatiable curiosity. He rubbed his chest in distress. The beeping of the monitors sped up and Daniel felt more oxygen being forced down his lungs. For a moment he struggled with the amount of it and tried not to choke A nurse was by his side in an instant, checking on the monitors. More people surrounded his bed and Daniel felt a persistent tap on his cheek.

"Dr. Jackson? Are you awake? You need to relax. It'll help."

His eyes fluttered open and he blinked up at Dr. Keller.

"Can you wake up? Open your eyes."

Daniel opened his eyes further, but the light was too bright and he closed them again.

"That's it. You're in recovery. You just had surgery, remember? You're going to be just fine. Are you in any pain?" Daniel felt someone brush their hand over his forehead. No gloves, he mused, surprised. What about the radiation? Was he free then? No radiation sickness?

"Radiation?" he asked urgently, not managing to form a proper question.

"Only minute traces. Don't worry about it. Now, how are you feeling? Do you feel any pain?"

Daniel shook his head. He didn't feel any pain, only numb and detached and his mind felt like it was floating in a mist – whenever he tried to think, the thought floated just out of reach. Looking around a bit he realised he was the only patient in the room.

A nurse helped him drink a bit of water before he was left alone again.

"Go back to sleep."

Daniel couldn't help but feel guilty for what the Attero device had done. He'd been there; it was his idea to explore Janus' ancient lab. It was his effort to open the lab and crack the codes that had sent the rogue Asgard to Atlantis to get the key to the Attero device and it was Daniel's fault that he and Rodney had been snatched away. He should have stayed on Earth, stayed with his team. Now Rodney was sick too, and although the two of them were alive, the Attero device destroyed and the Asgards probably with them, Daniel had no idea how many people who had died when their stargate exploded, and how many worlds that now was without a gate because of his actions. He'd heard Mr. Woolsey ask Colonel Sheppard to destroy it. He should have convinced the Asgard the first time he talked to them.

Daniel always felt the loss of a civilization like he was losing a part of himself. He'd helped replant and rescue many people over the years, and although they sometimes lost, they most of the time managed to save at least some. Saving one small family from certain death or enslavement was worth the effort, even if the loss of the rest was breathtaking and heart-numbing. That way he knew someone had survived. Someone would live on to make the civilization grow and prosper in another place. Over the years Daniel had grieved for many a future that he couldn't make better, for people he couldn't save. It never was easy, each tribe, family or civilization etched into his mind forever.

Just like the people he'd killed.

Daniel didn't know how many people he'd killed, but without knowing the extent of the damage done this time, and thinking about all the possible planets isolated or even extinct by the explosions of their stargates, Daniel thought this was the worst, all because of some narrow-minded rogue Asgard who couldn't see further than their own stubby little noses.

He'd been so angry back then, trying to make the leader understand. It had sunk in to some extent that they potentially were killing millions, but it wasn't enough. He hadn't budged one bit. It was horrible that they had to survive on a world with toxic air for a while; of course it was. And Daniel had been truly sorry for that, but it didn't justify their actions, and it almost broke his heart to think that he hadn't been able to sway them.

Falling asleep thinking about the lost Asgard, Daniel slept the sleep of the drugged and exhausted. When the nurses came to check on him, he remained oblivious to their ministrations.

*****


	2. Chapter 2

PART TWO

As the drowsiness from the anaesthesia slowly went away, nausea quickly increased and soon Daniel was sweating with the effort of not throwing up and aggravating the pain in his belly further. Breathing Daniel sighed gratefully when the nausea receded back to a bearable level. When he thought his stomach had settled for the now, he looked around a little. Everything felt foggy and he couldn't think clearly. Had he dreamt? He talked to Rodney earlier, hadn't he? Had his brain been fried beyond repair when he was hit by that power surge? Looking around his bed to see if someone was around to answer his questions Daniel found the room dismayingly empty. Not even a nurse was in sight, but there was a table by the far wall with a computer and Daniel knew there were screens around him by the sound of their beeping and the feel of leads and tubes on and in his body.

But why was there no chair by his bed? Shouldn't someone be sitting with him? Where was his team? Were they on a mission he didn't know about? Had something happened hat demanded them being elsewhere? Or had they been banned from his bedside? SG-1 always visited for a while even when one of them was in the infirmary. He'd have to ask about that. If there was anything Daniel knew, it was that no one got left behind, not even when on Earth. It was the first rule of any SG unit. You never left anyone behind, no matter the situation. But just now Daniel felt abandoned.

There were no telltale signs of anyone having been by to keep watch. There were no books on the bedside table no files or reports or deck of cards. No chess board or empty coffee cups and plates indicating someone had eaten by his bedside while watching over him. His glasses lay neatly folded on the table to his left, and a small pitcher and plastic cup sat beside it. Seeing the water, Daniel realised he was thirsty. He felt weak and lethargic and suddenly longed for someone to anticipate his needs and hand him the cup before he even could voice the need for something to drink. Giving himself a mental shake Daniel was surprised by his own thoughts. Had he become so used to his team being there for him when he needed them that he couldn't get the water himself? Disgusted with his relying on his friends he determinedly tried to sit up to reach for the desperately needed water himself. Feeling the pull of his incision Daniel couldn't help but moan in pain as the movement pulled on his stitches. He couldn't quite reach the table from his position and his hand fell back on the sheets with a thump, draining him of energy. It all came back to him then, and he realised; he wasn't at the SGC, he was at Atlantis, and the whole disastrous attempt at deciphering Janus' codes and resulting kidnapping came back in a rush and he struggled to catch his breath.

That's why he was alone. He wasn't here with his team; he'd gone on this mission all by himself, getting the green light from Landry three weeks ago and working day and night to prepare before coming here, what…yesterday? He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but two days sounded about right. They'd spent maybe half a day or even more in the cell on the rogue Asgard world, hadn't they? And it'd been very early morning when they were snatched. Okay, three days then, Daniel decided. He thought he'd been some time in the infirmary as well.

Recovering from his attempt at getting to the water, Daniel groped around for the call button. They had those here as well, didn't they? Most things here were alike the things he was used to seeing at the SGC's infirmary, but there were some machines and equipment that looked definitely Ancient. Like that scanner they'd put him under when he first came to the infirmary. It was nothing like either an X-ray machine or an MRI. The probe just scanned over his body from above and there was no feeling of claustrophobia which he normally felt when inside the scanners at the SGC. He'd just lain in his bed and watched the thing move over him a couple of times.

Finally finding the call button he pressed the knob and waited for a nurse to come by. He knew his feelings would be closer to the surface when he was pumped up on meds like he was now, but that didn't make him feel any better for thinking those thoughts. He really shouldn't be affected by being on his own like this. After all he'd spent so many years weathering troubles alone, that recovering from surgery shouldn't be a problem. Unlike the people affected by the Attero device he had a home just a trip through the stargate away, and the people here were also his people. They all were part of the SGC. Some of the people working in this infirmary had experience from the infirmary at the SGC Daniel knew, and many of the military people had been trained at the SGC. Maybe Rodney or someone from his team would come to check on him later? There was much to do at Atlantis. Rodney would come when he had the time, Daniel decided. He knew it was mean, but he couldn't help thinking Rodney would come if only to gloat about how he'd saved Daniel and how he'd got things up and running again here. Daniel had overheard the nurses talking and it confirmed what Dr. Keller had told him earlier: The stargate here had imploded. The scientists were now working on fixing the one the Daedalus had brought in. If Rodney was up and well, he'd be busy working on that, not wanting to check on Daniel. Disgusted by feeling sorry for himself, Daniel itched to help out. There must be something he could do.

A nurse came by and interrupted his thought process, asking about how he was feeling.

"Can I have some water?" Daniel asked.

"Yes, of course, here you go." The nurse poured a small amount into the cup and handed it to him, watching as he drank, taking it away when he'd taken a few sips.

After drinking much too little to satisfy his thirst, but apparently more than enough for his queasy belly, Daniel fell asleep, feeling alone and defeated.

*****

When Daniel woke again he had no idea what time of day it was or how much time had passed since his little emotional breakdown in the recovery room. Thankfully he'd not cried, because the very thought had his face burning with embarrassment and he quickly turned his face into his pillow to hide it from any potential onlookers.

Feeling in control of his emotions once again, Daniel pulled his face away and looked around. He'd been moved. There were several beds surrounding his now, and he could see someone lying in the bed in the corner. He tried to see if he recognised the person, but without his glasses there was no chance he'd see that far clearly. It appeared to be a woman though, Daniel thought, as he took in the long blond hair on the pillow. Rodney was nowhere in sight.

Closing his eyes to relieve the strain, he listened for any activity, but it was quiet. Not completely noiseless, but there were no running feet or cacophony of beeping monitors. The leads connecting him to the monitors beside him were beeping soothingly, everything sounding normal, at least as far as he could surmise. But then, Daniel was no doctor. Of medicine that is, he giddily thought to himself. Oh yes, he was pretty doped up if he thought that was funny. There was no pain or extreme sensitivity at the moment, just fatigue and a slight pull in his stomach if he moved. Smiling to himself he looked around the room again. Shouldn't someone have recognised that he was awake by now? After waiting for a couple of minutes, he thought about pressing the call button again, but decided against it. He didn't need the impartial attention of a nurse or some doctor poking or prodding him. He needed his team, his friends. He needed to know that things weren't as bad in the Pegasus galaxy as he feared. He needed to speak to someone about the extent of damage, but he guessed no one knew that yet. They'd have to take the jumpers out and take a closer look at some of the planets. In the very least they had to dial up their allies and check if they were all right.

As if reading his thoughts a nurse stopped by his bed, looking at him curiously. "Are you awake?"

Daniel nodded.

"Do you need something?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Good. I'll just check things here and I'll let you rest." The nurse checked the screens around him, adjusted a couple of the leads and wrote something in the chart. "Everything looks fine so far," he said. "Dr. Keller will be by to see you soon."

"Okay." Daniel felt uncharacteristically bereft as he watched the nurse left. There were people here to care for him, but they didn't care _about_ him. Not the way his friends would anyway.

_Stupid meds_, Daniel thought, annoyed with his emotional upheaval. With a pang of loss Daniel missed Teal'c's warm gaze seeking his and pleased rumble of his name each time he saw Daniel wake up in the infirmary. He missed Vala's exuberance and bouncing, even if it mostly annoyed him and jarred him out of his rest. She had learned a lot though, and improved immensely. He missed Sam's sisterly touches, her kissing his cheek and stroking his hair or arm. He missed Mitchell never being able to sit still and his efforts of containing his energy, the restlessness revealing itself in a twitching leg or a tapping of his fingers. Just like Jack, Daniel thought with a smile. Maybe thinking of his friends wasn't so bad after all. At least he had friends. Not everyone did. It was just that his weren't here when he needed them. He wasn't abandoned.

Feeling emotional but not quite so miserable as earlier when thinking of his friends back at the SGC, Daniel couldn't help but missing Jack and Janet as well. It was several years since Janet died, but Daniel had been on the receiving end of her care over so many years that he never could forget her touch. He'd carried her dead body in his own arms over the battle field and through the 'gate, shocked and overcome by grief by her loss. Her slight weight no burden. It was the least he could do after all the times she'd saved him.

Feeling tears he'd no intention of shedding starting to wet the corners of his eyes, Daniel hastily wiped them away and turned his head into the pillow, cursing his emotional state. Movement was a bit easier, but it still took a lot of effort and he panted from the exertion when he finally managed to turn over onto his side, dragging his blankets with him, pulling them over his head. Hiding beneath them as best as he could, Daniel drifted, not immediately falling asleep.

*****

"SG-1 to the control room!" Walter's voice rang out over the loudspeakers of the SGC. Sam startled and hoped it wasn't anything serious. _Maybe it's Daniel_. He'd been at Atlantis for a couple of days now and should be getting back soon. Or at least give one of his fast-talking, wildly gesturing, excited reports and ask for more time. Sam smiled and hurried through the halls. Turning a corner she almost bumped into Vala in her hurry to get there.

"Do you know what's going on?" Vala asked.

"No. Daniel should report in by now," Sam said.

"Let's hope it's him, then," Vala said, speeding up and hurrying to the control room.

*****

"General?" Mitchell asked. He and Teal'c were already looking at the monitors when Sam and Vala came rushing up the stairs.

"It's Atlantis," General Landry explained.

"Daniel?" Sam asked with a mixture of anxiety and expectation.

"Not exactly," said the voice coming through the monitors.

"Colonel Sheppard?" Landry said in a somewhat surprised greeting. "We were expecting Dr. Jackson."

"Yes, we know. And about that," Sheppard said, shifting his gaze around the room. No Daniel could be seen. "He's in the infirmary."

"Infirmary?" Sam asked, stepping up to the screen as if that could bring her closer to her friend. "What happened? Is he all right?"

"What's he done now?" Vala shot in, interrupting.

"He managed to get himself zapped," Rodney put in, waving at the SGC personnel. "Hi, Sam."

"Rodney," Sam acknowledged. "What's going on?"

"I saved his life," Rodney said, glowing. "I was going to leave him behind when things got rough, but he insisted on not letting me go in and turn the device off by myself."

"McKay!" Sheppard said exasperated. "You're only confusing them. Start from the beginning."

"Explain." Teal'c demanded at the same time.

"All right, all right, all right. You all know about Janus' secret that lab Daniel was looking for?"

"Yes?" came the impatient answer from SG-1 and Landry. "Get on with it," Landry demanded.

"Well, we found the lab. But just after we got started on cracking the codes to even start finding out what the lab was about, we got stunned by some sort of ray gun and whisked away by a bunch of evil Asgard. They brought a device with them out from Janus' lab and when we arrived at their planet, I figured it was a key to another device, called the Attero device and they demanded us to turn that device on."

"Asgard?" Mitchell asked. "There's Asgard in the Pegasus galaxy?"

"Yes." Woolsey said, trying to soothe the rising tension. "Dr. McKay, please continue."

"Right, right. Well, we found out what the device from Janus' lab at Atlantis was supposed to do. It releases a subspace static that disrupts the specific frequency the Wraith ships use when starting their hyperdrive to enter subspace. The static from this device destroys the hyperdrive and the Wraith ships explode. That was the intention, anyway. And it worked—but…."

"But," Sheppard interrupted, "there was a little flaw in the plan, a so-called unforeseen side-effect."

"It blows up stargates," Rodney said, defeated. "That's why Janus stopped the experiments after only a few days testing. But the Asgard didn't care. They just wanted to leave their toxic little planet and go someplace nice where they wouldn't need heavily armoured suits to stay alive. And they don't use the stargates, so it was of no concern to them if the gates all over the galaxy blew up."

"How?" Sam asked. "What made the stargates explode?"

"Well," Rodney began. "When the wormhole is connected it attracts energy from subspace, as you all probably know. The Attero device causes an energy spike in the active stargate that prevents the wormhole from shutting down; the energy builds, and the 'gate explodes, or implodes if encased in an energy field like ours is. We're able to contact you now because we picked up one of the gates left over from the gate-bridge. Other worlds are not so fortunate, and now we've blown up their stargate." Rodney had started his explanation at break-neck speed like he used to, but by the end of it sounded more like mumbling. Daniel must be devastated, Sam mused. If Rodney was this affected by blowing up other people's gates, Daniel must be completely crushed.

"But how is he?" Vala interrupted the rest of Rodney's explanation, apparently thinking along the same lines as Sam had.

"He's in pain, grumpy, but he'll be fine." Sheppard explained. "He's had abdominal surgery. There was some internal bleeding."

"How… how bad is it?" Sam asked breathlessly almost afraid to hear the answer. "Why did he need surgery?"

"He got zapped pretty badly by some power surge when he and Rodney turned off the Attero device. Instead of being released into hyperspace, the power bounced around in the room, and one of the surges hit Dr. Jackson. Dr. Keller says he's going to be bedridden for a while, maybe even need more surgery," Sheppard answered.

"But he'll recover fully according to Dr. Keller." Mr. Woolsey quickly shot in.

"Several of the surges," Rodney said in a small voice.

"What?" Landry demanded. "He was hit more than once?"

"No. Well, yes. When one of the surges hit him it was the accumulation of several surges homing in on Daniel as if he was an antenna. We were wearing these protective suits, but if he'd only been hit by one little blast it'd be like he touched an electric fence or something, but this was more like he got struck by lightning."

"As soon as it is safe for him to travel, I want him back here," Landry said urgently. "I know the medical facilities at Atlantis are good, but I'm sure his team wants him here, and Dr. Lam would want to check him out for herself. We'll schedule a check in tomorrow morning. Give him our best, and let him know we're thinking about him and that there's a bed with his name on it waiting for him in the infirmary here."

"We will," Sheppard answered, looking to Dr. Keller who now was standing by his side. "We'll send you a full report when we send Dr. Jackson back."

"Dr. Keller?" Dr. Lam had joined the delegation on the SGC's side of the wormhole.

"As soon as he's fit to travel, you'll have him right back." Dr. Keller said after explaining in more detail how Daniel was doing.

"Excellent. Keep us informed." Landry said, ending the communication and turning to face his CMO and first contact team.

"At least he's alive," Sam said, trying to sound optimistic. The injuries Dr. Keller described and the pain Daniel evidently was in sounded pretty bad to her.

"Yeah," Mitchell patted her on the arm. "But he's the comeback-kid. I'm sure he'll pull through and confuse us with one of his Ancient myths again soon. I've read all the mission reports, remember? No one bounces back like Jackson does."

To that Sam couldn't help but laugh and agree. It'd be all right. Once Daniel was back on earth things would be just fine.

*****

When Daniel woke this time, there was a chair by his bed, but no one was occupying it. There were signs of someone having been there though. A tablet was lying on his bedside table and a notebook lay on the chair next to his bed. Someone had pulled his blankets back down to his shoulders and the call button was lying just by his hand and he inched his fingers towards it, thirsty and exhausted from his emotional turmoil and the moving around earlier.

"Water?" He croaked when a nurse came over to him, his mouth pasty and dry.

"Of course." The nurse helped him drink a little before taking the cup away. "How are you feeling?" She studied the monitors and took his pulse before putting a thermometer in his ear. "You've got a slight fever, but that's to be expected. You've had extensive surgery."

Daniel nodded. He felt hot and his muscles and joints ached with the fever in addition to the residual effects of the lightning strikes. "I'm okay. A bit queasy still. Tired."

"That figures. You had a pretty bad reaction to the anaesthesia earlier. Dr. Keller was afraid she had to take you in again to repair any damage you might have done to your stitches when you threw up. Do you remember any of that?"

Daniel shook his head. "No."

"That's probably for the best. It was right after we put you in recovery, so you were been pretty much out of it anyway."

Daniel blushed. "What'd I do?"

The nurse smiled a little. "Well, aside from the mumbling in all kinds of languages, Wraith included, or maybe that was Ancient--I'm not too good with languages, I can't hear the difference between them--you tried to get out of bed but no one understood what you wanted. You managed to lift yourself up but couldn't get out of bed of course. Not with the IV and leads connected. Then, in the middle of talking you threw up over the sheets, yourself, the floor and, um… me."

"Oh, God." Embarrassed, Daniel hid his face in his hands. "I am so sorry." He'd been drowsy and feeling drugged to his gills when he woke up but couldn't remember anything of what the nurse described.

The nurse laughed. "No worries. It happens sometimes."

Daniel nodded, trying to come to terms with his actions. "Janet, um, Dr. Frasier--she was CMO at the SGC for seven years--always said that me and anaesthesia was a bad combination. I guess I should have warned you, but Janet never said anything about me being allergic to anaesthesia." He shook his head slightly, but the movement only increased his queasiness and he felt dizzy. Panting for a moment to keep it in check, he added "I'm sorry."

The nurse squeezed his knee. "Don't worry. You didn't have to go back in."

"That's good." Daniel did not like the thought of having to go through yet more surgery. He was feeling bad enough as it was, thankyouverymuch. One surgery per day was enough for him.

Seeing his discomfort, the nurse asked "Do you want something for the nausea? You're not due for more pain meds just yet."

Daniel thought for a moment. He was already tired, and he knew from experience that what he'd get here would just make him more tired. "Um… I don't know."

Sensing his hesitation, the nurse decided for him. "I'll get you some Compazine."

"Okay." Daniel nodded his consent and watched as the medicine was injected into his IV.

Looking pointedly at the chair by the bed, Daniel asked "Who's been here?"

"Dr. McKay was here for a while, but he had to go attend a briefing. They've collected a new gate so it should be up and running soon."

"Good. So he's all right then? He wasn't affected by the power surges? No radiation sickness?"

"He's just fine. He was released earlier with no lasting effects. Dr. Keller kept him overnight as a precaution."

"Um…" Daniel thought for a moment. If Rodney had stayed in the infirmary overnight, he'd been there longer. "What's today?" Daniel asked, trying to piece together the time he'd missed while being in surgery or recovering.

"It's Monday, the sun just went down. You had surgery very early this morning. You were in the OR for three hours and were released from recovery a few hours ago."

"Okay. Thanks." Daniel's sense of time hadn't been far off then. He'd arrived on Saturday morning. Then he and Rodney had worked all through Saturday before they were taken from the lab sometime Sunday morning. Feeling tired now that the antiemetic eased his nausea, Daniel fell asleep just as he realised he should have checked in by now. His team was going to be worried.

*****

"Hey."

Daniel opened his eyes slowly, acknowledging the person standing by his bed when she came into focus. "Dr. Keller."

"Yes. And call me Jennifer. I don't think we've had time for a proper introduction." She stuck out her hand at him.

"I know. Please, call me Daniel," Daniel said shaking it.

"Very well, Daniel. I've got a message for you."

"Oh yeah? From whom?" Daniel asked, curiosity waking him up fully.

"I'll tell you in a minute, but first I need to see how you are doing." Dr. Keller said, busying herself with checking him out.

"Come on, who is it?" Daniel asked, impatiently. When she didn't answer he resigned himself to his fate and lay still while she examined him. When Dr. Keller adjusted it to a semi-upright position, Daniel moved with it.

"So?" Daniel asked.

"It's from the SGC." Dr. Keller said, looking at his monitors. "The stargate is up and running again and we've just spoken to them."

"Yeah? Is everything all right? Who did you talk to? Can I go home?"

Dr. Keller held up her hands and laughed. "Enough with the questions. No, you can't go home just yet. Your team was there, as was Dr. Lam and General Landry. Everything is fine as far as I know. We informed them about the situation and what happened to you and Rodney. The technicians are running some diagnostics to see that everything is working as it should. It's late so we'll see about getting you home in the morning." She fussed with his blankets for a moment. "Now, how do you feel about something to eat?"

"I'm not hungry," Daniel wasn't. He was however glad to have heard from his team. The rush of adrenaline that had woken him when he heard of the conversation with Earth was starting to wear away and he felt nauseous. Food was the last thing on his mind at the moment.

"Still feeling sick?"

"Yeah, a bit."

"Okay, but try eating anyway. You should try the fruit cup; it's good and should go down easily. It's remarkable what delicious foods we have access to here that is so different from what we get on Earth, and yet just as good."

"No Jell-O?" Daniel teased, smiling slightly at the prospect of real food instead of the squishy substance he usually was given when laid up in the infirmary.

"Nope, I don't know if we've got any left," Dr. Keller smiled.

*****


	3. Chapter 3

PART THREE

Daniel put his empty water cup back down on the table and watched Rodney's retreating back. That had been a weird conversation. Rodney was clearly afraid of saying he respected Daniel, but why could he only give compliments to the dying? Was he afraid Daniel would live to tell? Was it the competition thing again? Daniel had been both amused and annoyed when Rodney still made everything into a competition even after Daniel had told him he'd seen through the other man's actions. What was the point of working through the night if you only did it to see how long you could stay awake? They were grown men, not kids. Even after Daniel had pointed out that he and Rodney actually had something in common here, Rodney had kept on competing.

And hadn't Rodney actually blamed Daniel for everything that happened? He'd certainly shown that he regretted having Daniel around, if his words were anything to go by. He'd been trying to escape on his own when Daniel was talking to the Asgard, and at least he'd said he didn't have any intention of bringing Daniel along, thinking he was dead. Daniel had worked with Rodney before, and although not worked with him alone, he'd seen the man in action many times. The comments about Daniel being expendable and taking back compliments when confronted with them had to be insecurity. Daniel didn't really think Rodney would have left him there to die if he had a choice, and he doubted Rodney really blamed Daniel for what had happened. He might not understand why Daniel wanted to talk to the rogue Asgard or the way Daniel worked when confronted with an enemy and given the chance to negotiate, but he was intelligent and not completely without heart, so Daniel didn't take much offense. It was annoying though, to be confronted at every opportunity and having to stand up for everything said or done. It had definitely kept Daniel on his toes throughout.

Daniel sighed. And now, after all they'd been through together, he couldn't even admit to Daniel that he respected him. Daniel respected Rodney. There was no doubt about the other mans intelligence and achievements. Shaking his head, Daniel fumbled for the bed controls and let the bed slide back to a reclining position. It'd hurt trying to eat, so much so that he'd even admitted it to Rodney. He'd not noticed when being awake before, but every nerve and muscle in his body still tingled and burned as from too much use. He'd been in pain after waking up before, but except for turning onto his side earlier he hadn't really moved much before attempting to eat. Or he'd been too doped up on pain killers to feel much of anything.

He was glad to have heard from his team though. Landry wanted him to recover at home and that warmed Daniel's heart more than he'd be willing to admit and he fell asleep with a smile on his face despite the pain and discomfort. He was going home.

*****

"You ready?" Dr. Keller asked, placing his bag and briefcase by his bed.

"Yeah." Daniel said. He felt better for a night's sleep but the tingling sensation was still there, as was the pain, and he couldn't move much without feeling the pull of his stitches. The nausea was better, so yeah, he was ready to go home. Thinking about it, he was very much looking forward to getting back to Earth. It was a bit disappointing that he couldn't be around longer, but if it meant being without his team for a long period of time, he'd rather be home and with them. He could always come back and visit later. It'd been a hard blow when he first missed his trip here because of Vala's arrival, but he'd come to relish his visits instead. It was better than nothing and he avidly followed the weekly reports as much as he could.

"I'm ready. Thank you." He tried for a smile but his facial muscles still hurt and it was a weak one. "I'm sorry."

"Not to worry. And you're welcome. I hope to see you again here soon, but not as a patient." Dr. Keller said with a stutter. "Not that I won't help you if you get sick or injured of course, but you know what I mean."

"Yeah. Yeah, I do. I'll try to avoid occupying any of your beds the next time."

"Bye." She gave him a small wave and tapped her earpiece, talking into it. "He's ready to go."

*****

Daniel had gone through stargates in many a fashion: He'd been carried through in a fireman's carry, he'd been carried on a stretcher and he'd been held up by the aid of his team mates, yet still on his feet. But his personal favourite was walking through completely healthy, with no aid whatsoever. So now, strapped to a gurney placed in a semi-upright position with some leads still attached and wearing scrubs, Daniel was less than happy about his ride home. When he'd been moved from the bed to the gurney he'd almost passed out as the movement caused all his sensitive nerve endings to come to life. Dr. Keller had deemed him well enough for the short trip through the gate but nonetheless insisted on giving him a mild sedation to make the ride though easier in case going through the wormhole played havoc with his heart or caused him more pain. A medical team was going to meet him on the other side, but she wanted to be sure he got home safely. Daniel had reluctantly agreed, wanting to arrive home alert and aware. He was awake but felt like everything was going in slow motion. Thinking about it, no matter how much he desired it, Daniel didn't think he'd be able to change into his own clothes and walk through on his own without passing out or screaming in agony.

Daniel was glad to go back, but as he lay there waiting for the gate to come to life, he was sorry to let Janus lab go. He'd be back to visit Atlantis, he knew that, but the next time he'd probably be working on something else and other scientists would have to figure out Janus lab and he only read the report.

"Hey, Rodney?" Daniel turned his head to see McKay and Sheppard standing by his side, waiting to see him through.

"Yeah?"

"Did you seal the lab off?"

"Not yet. But no one is allowed in there. I still want to find out if there is anything we can use there."

"Okay. You'll tell me if you find anything, won't you?"

"Not likely." Rodney muttered, but Daniel heard anyway.

"Come on!" Daniel said exasperated. "You can't still go on about the competition thing. I thought you'd give me some leeway by now."

"Right, as if that'd ever happen." Rodney said, trying for a pout but a smile crept in. "I'll tell you," he finally said.

"Thanks."

The gate came to life, and the medic waiting by the end of his gurney started pushing him towards it.

"Bye!" He waved in the general direction of McKay and Sheppard.

"Safe trip," Sheppard said, waving to Daniel's back.

And then he was gone, the wormhole sucking him in and spitting him out on the other side.

*****

"How is he?" SG-1 had been impatiently standing outside the doors to the infirmary, waiting for Dr. Lam to give them the all clear to come in and see Daniel. They'd waited for him in the gate room, and after a short round of greetings he was whisked away to the infirmary to be placed in a proper bed and checked out by Dr. Lam. Now the doctor finally opened the door to the infirmary, but instead of letting them in, she came out into the hallway, closing the door behind her.

"Doc?" Mitchell said concern evident in his voice. "How is he? What's going on?"

"He's fine. Tired, but fine. He'll recover fully, but--"

"That's great," Sam smiled. "Can we see him?"

"In a moment," Dr. Lam said, continuing as if she'd not been interrupted. "But as you know he was exposed to radiation as well as the lightening, and although the radiation wasn't nearly as bad as the last time he was exposed to it, there was some minute residue and some deterioration to his cells. The cells needed to be removed in order to not cause further damage." Dr. Lam said, looking at them in turn. "That plus the internal bleeding from the shock to his body caused by the surges, is why he had surgery on Atlantis. They had to remove a small piece of his colon. Also, his nerves are pretty sensitized. He is still weak and in pain. He'll want to get out of here in no time, but the reality of it is that when I release him he'll be on medical leave for a while. So," She held up a finger to halt the team as they clearly were impatient to enter the infirmary. "He'll be miserable for a while still. Don't make it worse on him by taxing him."

"We wouldn't dare on tiring him out," Vala said, indignantly.

"Right," Carolyn Lam laughed and let them in. "Ten minutes now."

"Hey guys," Daniel smiled as he saw his team enter the infirmary single file and honing in on his bed. Teal'c took up position by the end of the bed, looking at him intently. Sam and Vala both hugged him then fought for space to sit on his bedside and Mitchell found a chair and sat down.

"Hey, Sunshine," Mitchell greeted. "How you doin'?"

"Better." Daniel said, and he was, mostly because he was back home with his team.

"It is good to see that you are recovering," Teal'c said.

Daniel moved around a little, trying to sit up, but with both Sam and Vala sitting on his blankets, it was an impossible task. "Um… could you move a little? I need to sit up." Both women hopped down from his bed immediately and helped get him into a semi-reclining position, fluffing pillows and tucking blankets. Finally done Daniel sat back with a sigh, allowing their mothering for the moment. He'd fuss too if one of the others had been away and came back bedridden. "Thanks."

"No problem, sweetie." Vala said, sitting by his feet, taking them into her lap and absentmindedly patting them through the sheets.

Daniel squirmed under her ministrations. "Sorry, I'm kind of sensitive to touch still." He blushed and looked away, hating to admit he was in pain, even to his friends.

After Jack left the SGC for Washington, Sam for Area 51 and Teal'c left for Dakara, Daniel had found himself again building those brick walls he'd been so good at putting up around himself before he joined the SGC, becoming an expert at distancing himself from the others. When first Teal'c and then Sam came back, he fell into his old habits around them, comfortable with letting them see how he really was feeling. Mitchell somehow managed to ease his way in after a while but even after over two years with the energetic colonel on the team he still only felt completely at ease with his own discomfort around the team that had been his family for so many years; Sam, Jack and Teal'c. As for Vala… the jury was still out on that one. He kept being torn between amazement, exasperation and frustration when dealing with her. He trusted her with his life, but as for letting those walls down, not so much. A little yes but not completely. It'd taken a while for the "old" team to get through those carefully built walls, and Daniel felt safe behind them and in need of them when he wasn't with those who knew him best. Vala might think she knew him, but she still had quite a while to go yet.

"Oh. I'm so sorry." Vala dropped Daniel's feet back on the mattress and moved to sit on the very edge of the bed, taking care not to touch any part of him.

Daniel watched his team checking him out and used the opportunity to give them a closer look-see himself. At first glance they looked well rested, but he could see the worry still evident in their eyes. He smiled reassuringly.

He was recovering and he'd be on his feet in no time, he was sure. He was back at the SGC, and although he was happy about that he wasn't so happy about still being in bed. Rodney would continue his work in that lab and hopefully something good would come of it.

When missions went bad like this had, Daniel tried to think about something positive to help himself from not going completely insane by the thought of all that'd been lost. This time the population on Atlantis had been saved. They'd been extremely lucky, thanks to the force field around the gate. The damage had been minimal, and Daniel shivered at the thought of the ancient city being torn to pieces by his actions. It didn't really help that he was kidnapped and forced to turn the device on. He'd had no choice that much he knew and was able to console himself with. But the thought that he could have made a difference, that he should have tried even harder to tell those Asgard that they not only had to but really, really needed to shut the device down wouldn't leave him alone and his heart ached with it.

"Hey. What's going on in there?" Sam asked after watching the emotions that had flickered over Daniel's face as he thought about what had happened. "Are you feeling all right? Should I get Dr. Lam?"

"I'm okay, just thinking."

"We could see that," Vala said. "What were you thinking about?"

"Oh, just that I'm glad to be back here with you guys. "

"Really? Because for a moment I thought you looked pretty miserable there."

"I've had surgery and been struck by lightning." He gestured to the IV pole. "I'm drugged to my gills on meds and pain killers. Of course I'm miserable." Daniel said grumpily, scowling at her, but regretted the action when it hurt. Damned nerves! Daniel wanted to be able to express himself as he was used to without feeling pain. He looked at the IV bag. It wasn't completely empty yet, which meant he still had some time before he was due for a new dose of pain killer.

"Yeah, we know," Vala said softly, very gently patting his knee. "But just say it," Vala teased to ease the tension suddenly filling the space between them. "You missed us."

"Of course he did," Mitchell put in.

"All right, all right." Daniel attempt at a smile ended up in a grimace and threw up his hands, defeated when the movement hurt. "I missed you guys. There, happy now?"

"Very," Vala said smugly.

"So, how have you guys been? What's happened here while I was away?"

"Well, nothing out of the ordinary. You know, missions, briefings, more missions." Vala answered.

"What kind of missions? Where did you go?"

"Well, there was this one planet with lots of old ruins-" Sam began, watching as Daniel's interest increased, "-but it was mostly in crumbles because of a recent flooding. There wasn't really anything left to check out."

Daniel contentedly let the voices of his team float over and around him, listening with half an ear. He was home now. Closing his eyes, he drifted.

After a while there was a lull in the team's reminiscing. "He's sleeping," Mitchell whispered. "We should come back later."

"I'll stay for a while," Sam said, tucking the blankets up around Daniel's shoulders and ever so gently brushing her hand through his hair. Daniel never stirred.

"I shall stay as well," Teal'c offered.

"Okay, we'll be back later." Mitchell tugged Vala on the arm, and the two of them left the infirmary. Teal'c took Mitchell's vacated chair, and Sam found a more comfortable spot on Daniel's bed.

"He looks exhausted," Sam said.

"Indeed." Teal'c leaned closer and looked intently at his friend for a while. "I believe he has been much troubled while away."

"Yeah."

*****

"Hey. You awake in there?" Sam watched as Daniel's eyes opened a little before closing again.

Daniel shifted around before settling back against the pillows. He'd been floating around in the empty void of space, all alone, destined to see the planets destroyed by the exploding stargates knowing there was nothing he could do to fix it. Being back with his friends at the SGC wasn't real, he'd dreamt that. But wait, he had heard Sam's voice just now, hadn't he? The hand carding through his hair felt familiar. He was positive about it, it had to be her. And he was in the infirmary. The sounds and smells all confirmed it. He shook his head slightly, ridding himself of the last vestiges of the dream. Finally he opened his eyes fully.

"Yeah, I'm up." He looked in Sam's direction, but not quite at her. He fiddled with his blankets.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. Stiff and sore, but I'll be fine."

"I know. Dr. Lam told us." Sam had moved to the bedside chair while he was sleeping, but sat back on his bed now.

Daniel nodded eyes still downcast.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Sam touched his arm, getting his attention.

"Nothing, I'm just tired," Daniel said. It was true, but he knew Sam wouldn't let it rest till he had told her the whole truth and Vala had of course guessed right earlier. He'd missed them. It was as simple as that. "It's just…well… I felt alone and pretty desperate for a while back there, and now I'm back and, and I guess I just need time to come to grips with it all."

"It's okay. We missed you too, you know." Sam said. "You know how it is when one of us is away. We were really afraid for you. What Rodney told us, well it sounded pretty scary."

"Yeah, I do. And it was." Daniel said, finally looking up at her, eyes brimming with emotion. "I was sure I was going to die as well. But now all those people are lost because I was too curious to heed the warnings. We knew turning the Attero device one had some side-effects, but I was more afraid of experiencing them myself than insisting we checked properly what the warning meant before we turned the device on."

"If what Rodney said was true, you were forced to do it, and put on a time limit as well. You couldn't have known, Daniel. It wasn't your fault." Sam reached for him, wrapping her arms gently around his shoulders, looking intently into his eyes. "Please believe that. You're always careful to do what you can in any situation. You did what you could."

"I will." Daniel wrapped his arms around Sam as well, ignoring the discomfort the movement caused.

"Love you," Sam murmured, tightening hug gently, burying her face in the crook of his neck, not letting him see how much she'd actually worried and missed him.

"Love you too," Daniel said. He sniffled a little when pulling back. "I think that's enough sappiness for one day, don't you?" He laughed and hastily drew his fingers over his eyes.

"Yup, I do." Sam said, quickly drying her own tears. "You hungry, Daniel?"

"Nope. Coffee?" Daniel asked. Not that he'd manage to keep it down but he wanted Sam to smile again, so he thought getting her to find a way to sneak him treats was a safe way to bring them both back to normalcy again.

"I don't think they'll let you have any, but I'll see what I can do," Sam said. She stood, before leaning over his bed. "I'm just glad you're back." She patted him on the arm before turning to see who it was when someone approached the bed.

"Dr. Lam," they both acknowledged.

"You should be resting." She moved to Daniel's side and lowered his bed. "General Landry wants you to attend a debriefing when you've recovered sufficiently. Which means you should rest now. We'll see about getting some food into you later." She turned to Sam. "Colonel Carter? I think you should get something to eat yourself. You can come back later."

"All right," Sam said, rising reluctantly.

"Bye. I'll see you later, Sam," Daniel said as Sam moved to leave.

*****

"What's his prognosis?" General Landry asked, looking at the man sleeping in the bed before him. Daniel had come back earlier in the day, but it had been hours before the General had time to come check on him after greeting him in the gate room. SG-1 had been glued to Daniel's bedside after he'd returned and at least one of them was always sitting with him. At the moment it was Teal'c and Vala keeping watch, conveniently arriving just after Sam left.

"He's recovering nicely. There's no residual radiation and the residual tremors he experienced for a while after being struck by electricity on that planet are all but gone. He'll need to stay here for a few more days, but he'll be fine. I'll release him for light duty by the end of the week. Then we'll see. If he continues to improve I don't see why he can't take up gate travel again in a few more weeks."

"Good. We'll debrief in the morning."

"All right. I'll let him know when he wakes up."

*****

"Welcome, SG-1," Landry said, looking at each member of his elite team as they entered the briefing room. Daniel had slept peacefully during the night and managed to eat a little at breakfast, so Dr. Lam had let him attend the briefing if it was a short one and only if he got there by means of a wheelchair. He was pale, Landry saw, but appeared well enough to go through with the briefing.

When everyone was seated he addressed Daniel. "It's good to have you back, Dr. Jackson. We received a report on most of it, and as you know, talked to Colonel Sheppard and Mr. Woolsey earlier, but we'd like to hear it from you as well. Can you tell us what happened?"

"Thank you, sir. It's good to be back." Daniel said. And it really was. He'd been happy to go to Atlantis and had been prepared for being there for a while, but seeing his team waiting for him in the gate room when he arrived back at the SGC had been wonderful.

Having talked a little with Sam earlier Daniel now felt better about his own role in the catastrophic events that had occurred, yet he still wasn't completely at peace with what happened. He never was when innocent people were killed. He closed his eyes for a moment gathering his thoughts before launching into his version about what had happened.

"The lab was fascinating. The sonic code Janus invented to hide his lab, the codes he used on everything. All kinds of codes, from the easiest to the most complex, codes based on simple combinations of numbers and letters but also riddles and puzzles that I'm sure will take days to solve. He clearly wanted to hide his work, but we never found out if there was a system to how he coded his experiments. We could spend years in there and never know if we cracked them all. I got a few written down in my notes, but that's just a very few of them. We had barely been at it a day before the Asgard came. Janus must have experimented on a lot of things if the amount and variety of his codes is anything to go by, but we never learned enough to find out if anything there was of use, and especially if it was safe. Rodney's going to work more on that lab, but I'm sure he won't turn anything more on before knowing exactly what it is,"

Daniel leaned back in his chair, thinking. If those suits he and Rodney had used were an indication, the rogue Asgard were at least as advanced, if not even more than Thor's race. "We were taken completely by surprise. The lab Rodney and I were taken to looked distinctly Ancient, but I think the Asgard technology they had there was at least as good as the technology the Asgard we know used, if not even more advanced."

"According to what the techs at Atlantis could gather when it first appeared, the ship your attackers came in had no problem going straight through the shield surrounding Atlantis without even causing a fluctuation." Sam handed each of them a report. "This is the report we received just before they sent you through, Daniel."

"Well, at least those Asgard are gone now. Sheppard did a pretty good job of blowing them to pieces," Mitchell said.

"He did," Daniel agreed, remembering hearing Sheppard being given the order to do so. The whole conversation with Rodney in the infirmary seemed pretty surreal now, but Daniel remembered Rodney saying something about the Asgard not being able to get through the shield again. "Rodney did say that if they tried getting through the shield again, they wouldn't manage. I guess being blown to pieces kind of puts a dent into a plan like that."

Daniel was to some small extent sorry for the loss of the rogue Asgard. A hundred thousand years of history lost with them. There was so much they could have learned from them, all lost now. The culture, the people, their technology, it was all gone. Daniel believed that all civilizations were composed of both good and bad people. The bad ones were just uninformed, not necessarily bad by nature. The Asgard too was a people who had made the best of things in the situation they were in. However, the complete lack of caring for others that they'd displayed when Daniel had talked to them didn't make him mourn their loss all that much after all. If they'd been allowed to roam freely even longer, and especially now that they knew there were people on Atlantis, things could be very bad for the people living there.

"Yeah, they got what was coming for them. They won't do any more harm now."

"Something we are very grateful for," Landry said, gathering his papers rising from his chair. "Thank you. I'm sure Atlantis will keep us posted."

"I'm sure they will, sir." Mitchell and Sam rose as well.

Daniel pushed back his chair a little, waiting for the go ahead to leave the briefing room. When he'd been by earlier Daniel had talked Nyan into getting him a notebook because he really wanted to crack some more of those codes. He yawned, suddenly feeling tired. It seemed the mind was willing but the body not very cooperative. Those codes would have to wait till after he got some more sleep.

"Dismissed," General Landry said, taking pity on the recovering archaeologist. "I wish you a speedy recovery, Doctor Jackson." Landry walked over to the door and opened it for them. "You can write your report when you're back on your feet."

"Thank you, sir." Daniel pushed his wheel chair towards the door, but stopped when he felt a presence behind him and someone starting to push him towards the exit. "I'll do my best."

"I know you will." Landry waved at the departing team.

Daniel looked up to see who was pushing him, glad to not have to do it himself. "Thanks."

"It is my pleasure DanielJackson." Teal'c rumbled from behind him.

"Better keep those books away from him then," Vala said as they started walking. "If he starts working now he'll just tax himself."

"We can't have anything of that," Sam agreed, knowing Daniel's habits all too well. She leaned in to whisper in Vala's ear. "I hid his notes when he was sleeping." Once a workaholic always a workaholic. It was best not to encourage him. He could work later. It wasn't like they were in any rush or anything with the Asgard gone and a new gate installed at Atlantis.

Vala giggled and punched Sam's arm. "Well done."

"Hey, what are you two up to?" Mitchell asked.

"Oh, nothing," Sam answered innocently.

"Yeah, right." Mitchell shook his head.

Acting as if nothing had happened Sam came up on Daniel's right side and patted his shoulder oh-so gently, remembering Daniel's earlier comment about sensitive nerves. "You ready to go back to the infirmary?"

"Yeah."

"Come on, Muscles," Vala said, "We'd better get him back to bed. Daniel needs his beauty sleep."

"I do not," Daniel protested indignantly.

"Yes you do." Vala argued. "Otherwise you'll get cranky and we can't have that. You're sick, remember. Bed and sleep is what you need."

"Oh, come on. I'm not that bad off," Daniel said, involuntarily yawning again. It looked like his body was going to contradict everything he said today. He shifted around a little and pain shot up from deep inside him. Daniel gasped with the shock of it and tried to rub the discomfort away. He'd taken his mouth just a tad too full there.

"Hey, you all right?" Vala was in his face, checking him out closely. "You're pale." She brushed a hand gently through his hair to calm him, letting it rest for a moment on his forehead. "You've got a fever as well." She turned to the others. "We shouldn't have let him go through with the briefing now."

Breathing through the pain, Daniel just nodded. "I'm fine, just moved too suddenly," he said when he could speak again. A big lump of what felt like burning coals sat in his stomach, and he rubbed it, trying to ease the sensation.

"We'd better get you back into Lam's clutches," Mitchell said urgently. "You okay to go? You don't need to be sick? Do you want us to fetch her?"

"No, no. I'm fine."

"See, I told you. You need to be in bed," Vala said, tucking the bathrobe closer in around Daniel. Daniel didn't have the strength to batter her hands away, all his attention on breathing.

As breathing became easier, Daniel looked at his team. He was shivering now, both from the residual pain and the rising fever he'd not acknowledged having earlier. He was on the way to recovery.

Things had definitely not gone as planned on what should have been an easy time on Atlantis. Daniel had longed for immersing himself in all the unexplored parts of Atlantis for quite a while now, and had worked hard on getting his visit there approved. He'd wanted to find something great, something that could benefit the human population of both galaxies, and maybe there was something great in that lab, maybe Rodney and the others would find something useful. He'd wish for that. And if there weren't, there would be other labs, other planets. The people on Atlantis were safe again, he was home and perhaps in the grand scheme of things, the balance was restored. Lives had been lost, but on both sides now that he'd learned that Sheppard had blown that planet to bits. There'd been great losses, yes, but there once again was hope. If the gates on the other worlds were fixable, Rodney's team would do it, and if they weren't, there were gates on deserted planets that would be gathered and put there instead.

There was so much out there yet to be learned and there were so many planets yet unexplored. Daniel couldn't wait to get out there and find out for himself. Yes, there definitely still was hope, he decided.

THE END


End file.
